Friday, February 14, 2014

STANDARD



At long last, and as chosen by you, the following are the top five things I consider standard that definitely are not. And the results are...

5th PLACE How d'body? How d'business?

So thanks to colonization, English is spoken throughout much of Africa. However, what they call English wouldn't ever fly in the United States. It's normally some kind of mix between English and the local language, and an accent on top of it all. Guinea borders the countries of Sierra Leone and Liberia, both English speaking countries, so I run into people all the time who greet me in English. They don't ask how are you, instead my typical conversation goes like this [with my part in italics] “Good morning. “Good morning.” How d'body? “Fine?” “Good. How d'business?” “Fine?” This can go on for about five minutes and at that point I no longer understand anything coming out of their mouths, although they claim it's English. In fact, because I don't understand them, this leads to people claiming that I don't really speak English. I've had people here test me on my English to make sure that I can really speak it!

4th PLACE The US. Is that in North or South America?

The US. Is that in North or South America? Obama is the President of all of that right? I always took it for granted that the United States of America was in North America. However, because both continents contain the word America, this causes some confusion around the rest of the world. North America, South America, Central America, it's almost as bad as the number of countries with the word “guinea” in them. In addition, I've had someone inform me that Obama was the President of both North and South America. News to me!

3rd PLACE 8+ people...5 seats

In case you aren't familiar, the typical car fits four to five people. Two in the front and two to three in the back. It's hard to say exactly when this stopped being the case. A typical taxi is a 5 person car where they cram 4 people into the back row, and two into the passenger seat. That is if you are lucky. If you aren't lucky, there are 4 people in the back sitting in the seats, and then people sitting on the laps of those seated. In the front, they will often add a person to the drivers seat. Oh and don't forget about the people in the trunk and the ones riding on the roof. Talk about safe! While it's completely normal to have seven people in the car, I've had up to 11 in a 5 person car, and up to 18 in a 9 person car. If that wasn't bad enough, I've actually had rides with 8 people in the car and was happy about it! I consider a ride where my hips aren't crushed, the car doesn't break down, and where I don't get peed on a very successful voyage!

2nd PLACE Screaming

Even though I'm a redhead and people always make references to my “fiery personality”, I'm usually a pretty calm person. I hate confrontations and worked at Getgo for years and never screamed at anyone. Then I came to Guinea. Sometimes the screaming isn't even out of anger (although it usually is). Being loud is just a part of the culture here. If you aren't VERY outspoken about something, they will assume you aren't serious. So for example when a taxi drivers yells at me to get in the car because we are leaving “toute de suite”, I yell at him saying I'll get in the car when we are actually about to leave, which I know will be two hours later and NOT right away.
When it comes to anger, I often surprise myself. It takes a lot to just walk out of the house every morning, and that snotty adult condescendingly yelling rude words at you can make you snap. I'll often scream at adults that I'm not an object, but a person, and that I have a name. I also scream that I don't have money to give them, and then there is always screaming at the people on motos who try to run you over. I'm sure I'm forgetting others, but you get the idea. I've gained extreme amounts of patience being here, but once I run out of that , it's all over. I just hope I can calm down before coming back to the states!

And the winner is...daily marriage proposals

When I say marriage proposals, they come from two different types of men. The stranger and the non-stranger. The stranger proposals happen every time I travel. Men will demand that I marry them and then actually become angry when I refuse! The proposals aren't very elaborate. They demand my money and a visa to the united states. They promise me I'll be happy, and they occasionally tell me I'm pretty, or fat. They do anything they can to get my number, and then just stare at me. If it weren't so obnoxious it would be really funny. I guess I get to enjoy it when I travel with other girls. When I'm with other girls the men usually target them leaving me to enjoy the scene and be thankful it's not happening to me.
The second type of proposals are from guys in my village. They greet me by my name and then they add their last name. They tell other people I'm their my wife and then ask what I cooked for them. While they are kind of joking, they really aren't, and so when I say I don't want them, they think I'm joking! Everyone in my village expects me to get married while I'm here and either take my new husband back to the states, or stay in Africa for the rest of my life. I mean, sure, it could happen...you never know!


So I hoped you enjoyed that, and I apologize for the delay! I was so busy this week I didn't even have two hours to waste charging a computer!  

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